is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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