Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
