My liver just broke up with me...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
