did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
