threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
