Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
