I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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