i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
