hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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