FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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