With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
