I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
