Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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