I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I can't turn off my feet"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
