your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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