This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
