You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
