It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
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i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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