I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
