I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
