i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize