If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
