Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
