Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
