So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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