fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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