i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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