btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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