Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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