got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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