Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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