wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
