Walk of Shame. In a state park.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
