...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Randomize
