I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
