Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
