I just pynch a tree in the face
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
