i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize