We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
