You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
