There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
What drink are we having for lunch?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
