you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
