I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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