PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
