hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
