she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
