I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
