Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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