Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
