i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
