I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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