i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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