i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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