It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
