i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Swine flu. Run for my life!
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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