I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Hippo gnu deer
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
