so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
