Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
