so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
