quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
