When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
